Posted 10:26 AM by Nathan
WELL ORWELL ENOUGH DEPARTMENT
From today's Washington Post:
"The chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff said Thursday that the deadly insurgency that flared this month is "a symptom of the success that we're having here in Iraq" and an effort to undermine the country's transition to self-government. "

"I think it's that success which is driving the current situation, because there are those extremists that don't want that success," Myers said.

Well, it appears that the Bush Administration is back to their Orwellian strategy of saying that rising death tolls (both U.S. and Iraqi) and mass chaos in Iraq are really signs of how well we're doing. I suppose, under that logic, if Saddam Hussein broke out of jail, commandeered a plane, parachuted into Baghdad and re-assumed power, that would be a "smashing success."

I guess Phillies fans should take heart though -- using the Admistration's way of thinking (or doublethinking), the Phillies abysmal 2-6 start must really be just another "sympton of their success." Getting swept by the Marlins and beaten up by the Pirates and Reds over the last week shows that the other teams in the league are just trying to "undermine the Phillies' chance of success." Perhaps we could change the rules so that the Phillies will automatically make the playoffs if they lose more than 100 games, because obviously, that would be the sign of a really successful team.

Posted 5:34 PM by Nathan
CINEMA DEPARTMENT
OK, I've been going hard-core anti-Bush the last few days, so it's time to mellow out, take a deep breath, . That isn't to say that I'm not still pissed off and that the continuing loss of lives in Iraq isn't distressing and horrible -- it's just that sometimes you have to take a break from this stuff.

So I have to say that "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is a very good movie. I'm not a huge fan of Jim Carrey, but he and Kate Winslet and a fantastic supporting cast really tear up the screen in this Charlie Kaufman-scripted film. Is it stylized, non-sequential and quirky? Yes. Is it, in some ways, completely unrealistic and scientifically unsound? Absolutely. As in "Being John Malkovich," Kaufman uses a fancifully conceived plot device as a springboard for developing an intricate tapestry of miltiple, interconnected plotlines and complex characters. The movie's portrayal of a relationship from its giddy beginnings to its final crashing end pushes on the emotional buttons of anybody who has ever been in similar circumstances . Though the movie requires some suspension of belief, those who do so successfully are rewarded with a great, well-acted yarn.

BASEBALL DEPARTMENT
So, after a 1-5 start, the Phillies came home, and amongst the fanfare and pagentry associated with the opening of a new stadium, full of optimism and raring to exorcise the demons onf their horrible start...the Phillies lost again. A truly pathetic opening to the season for the Phightin's from Philadelphia.

In a related note, as much as I love the guy, Phil's announcer Harry Kalas should really refrain from singing. The corrupted version of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" that he belts out in an ad for SEPTA is truly, utterly horrible.

In a related note, 400,000 Phillies fans vomited simultaneously as the Phillies fell to 1-6, dropping their home opener.

HORTICULTURE DEPARTMENT
Check out "official schneid punk girlfriend" Rachel, who took time off from her busy schedule fighting the forces of evil to plant grass. Rachel used a combination of sunlight, Belle & Sebastian music and Miracle-Gro plant food to grow that impressively shaggy pallet of grass.

Posted 12:12 PM by Nathan
EDITORIAL SCREED DEPARTMENT
"It's incumbent upon all Americans to rally around the leadership of this country in times of great crisis in the world when we are the leader of the free world and not to incite the other side," said Senator Saxby Chambliss, Republican of Georgia.

I'm sorry, but absolutely nothing pisses me off more than partisan politicians implying that anybody who criticizes the President's obviously failed policies is guilty of "inciting the enemy," which is tantamount to accusing them of treason. I know this has all been said a thousand times before, but let us review the facts one more time:

1) The Bush Administration blatantly lied to the American people by claiming Saddam Hussein's government had weapons of mass destruction (including nuclear weapons) and the means of delivering these weapons to American soil. The President and his allies also lied by saying that Hussein's government had ties with with Al-Quaeda and implied their complicity in the September 11th attacks. Both these claims have been demonstrated to be false.

2) The Bush Administration utterly and completely failed to create any sort of international consensus for the invasion of Iraq, and failed to obtain approval by the UN Security Council before invading (thus, making this technically an "illegal" war. In stubbornly insisting that all decision-making power be kept to themselves, they have failed to create international consensus for the re-building of Iraq. Thus, France, Germany and other countries with the know-how and resources to get Iraq back on track continue to sit on the sidelines and snipe.

3) The Bush Administration has so mis-managed the post-war occupation that the entire country has literally taken up arms against us, and nearly three times as many Americans have been killed since "major combat" ended than in the actual "war." Already, well more than 600 Americans are dead -- a number that is sure to continue rising.

4) On top of all that, the Administration clearly has no plan for creating a viable Iraqi government after we pull out. People are focusing WAY too much on this June 30th deadline. This deadline means absolutely nothing, since we will be handing over "sovereignty" to an unelected group of people chosen by us, who are completely dependent on the presence of American forces to maintain their grip on power. Is there any chance that this group (including Ahmad Chalabi, who has been indicted and convicted of fraud in other countries and has gloated about passing false, unverified intelligence to our government) will be viewed by the Iraqi people to be a legitimate government?

Now we're told by people like Saxby Chambliss (who has never served in combat and defeated triple-amputee and war hero Max Cleland by equating his intelligent dissent with support for Osama bin Laden) that we're being unpatriotic and inciting our enemies by criticizing the President.

I'm sorry Senator, but I would argue that it is far more unpatriotic to continue defending this President after what he has done over the last few years. How is it possible that our country is so completely divided, after we were so completely united in the wake of September 11th? A truly great President would have worked to maintain this unanimity of purpose, and as Winston Churchill did during World War II, would have created a national unity government that put politics aside in order to fight for our common goals.

Instead, this President has squandered his chance for greatness. In the wake of September 11th, he continued to pass his right-wing agenda, in a seemingly manic pursuit of undoing everything done by his predecessor. He lied to the public and led our country into an increasingly disastrous war and occupation in Iraq. He and his allies seek to destroy anybody who dares to "blow the whistle" on potential mis-conduct or corruption by the administration. By "outing" covert CIA agent Valerie Plame, the administration endangered countless people who have risked their lives to help fight the war on terrorism, and cut off a crucial source of the intelligence needed to fight and win this war.

As all this happens, our deficit continues to spiral out of control, making it almost certain that interest rates will rise and our economy will suffer in the long run, Americans continue to search for work, and our trade deficit continues to climb. His administration continues to hand out lucrative, no-bid contracts to his friends and contributors.

And now, as the President clings to the last vestiges of the vast support he received after September 11th, he and his team have clearly made the decision that they can win by continuing to divide the American people, hoping that that the number of people who support them is just enough to push them into a second term. Instead of running a campaign that appeals to the best in Americans -- our stolid spirit, strong work ethic and steadfast hope for a better tomorrow, he is running a campaing of intolerance, greed and fear. Look at his policies, proposals and public pronouncements of the last year, and see if even one of them doesn't seek to exploit one of these base emotions, these dregs of the human condition.

We need to vote this guy out of office now. God knows what kinds of messes he'll get us into if re-elected, term-limited and no longer accountable to the voters.

Posted 2:52 PM by Nathan
ESCAPING REALITY DEPARTMENT
Are insurgents and Al-Mahdi militiamen giving you a bad day. Never fear -- the Coalition Provisional Authority is always ready with a piece of cheerful news to chase away those pesky realities. As rebellion continues to spread out of control, the CPA announced today that the Iraqi National Boxing Federation will begin their first foray into internet merchandising by selling official Iraqi Olympic Team t-shirts, hats, coffee cups and posters emblazoned with the slogan "Iraq is Back!"

In a related development, the White House announced today that President Bush will spend part of his vacation in Crawford, Texas learning to play the fiddle.

BASEBALL DEPARTMENT
So the Phillies tripped out of the gate, losing a 2 to 1 nailbiter to the woeful Pittsburgh Pirates and their "ace," Kip Wells. It seems that Wells' devastating sinkerball was too much for the team to handle -- too much for everybody except Pat Burrell, that is. Pat The Bat took the first step toward exorcising the demons of 2003 by going 3 for 4 with 3 singles. The Phightins' take on Pittsburgh again today, with Randy Wolf facing Kip Benson.

Posted 1:01 PM by Nathan
ESCAPING REALITY DEPARTMENT
Check out these press releases from the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq. Aside from announcing the arrest warrent for Moqtada al-Sadr, the big stories include announcements of the Iraqi Olympic Team's arrival in Colorado for training and the unveiling of Iraq's Olympic logo.

Clearly, organizations like CNN, MSNBC, and even Fox News have it all wrong. Instead of focusing on little things like the continued death of American soldiers and a wide-spread uprising that threatens to devolve into complete anarchy, we should be focusing on the things that really matter.

To contest the administration's view that "only the bad news is reported from Iraq," I will, from now on, make sure to fulfill my patriotic duty to regularly update readers on the truly "important" news coming out of that country.

Posted 2:55 PM by Nathan
INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS DEPARTMENT
Now I'm not claiming to be any sort of genius when it comes to foreign policy, but I don't think it takes one to realize that this whole Iraq situation is almost pre-destined to go to hell. Iraq is a unified state in name only, comprising of rival ethnic and religious groups (as well as numerous tribes within these groups) with a long history of fighting each other, and an even longer history of fighting colonial rulers. Saddam Hussein was able to restrain these tensions by creating a state where one group (the Sunnis) held overwhelming power over the others. Now that Saddam is gone, the United States is attempting to fill the power vacuum left by his departure. Since we probably do not plan to leave our troops in Iraq forever, this leaves us with quite a conundrum.

It seems that at this time, the U.S. is left with two equally unattractive options -- 1) keep our troops in the region for several years, drawing fire and allowing casualties to build up, in a (probably futile) attempt to set up a liberal democracy in an area with no history of democracy and no nascent civil society on which to build one; or 2) pull our troops out (probably with a concurrent effort to dump the problem into the hands of the UN), and watch as the country devolves into pitched civil war between the Shi'ites, Sunnis and Kurds, with the added bonus of potential armed intervention by Turkey and Iran.

The result of these festivities will either be a state divided into its component Shi'ite, Sunni and Kurdish parts, an Iranian client state, or a recreation of the pre-war paradigm, where one group dominates the other two. While I suppose there is a chance that Iraq could develop into the model of Jeffersonian democracy, given the geopolitical power-struggles, religious tension, and presence of terrorists, I cannot see how the seemingly intelligent people running our government actually believe this is going to happen.

BASEBALL DEPARTMENT
On a lighter note, the Phillies baseball season opens today, and the big question on everybody's mind is, will the team, with its unprecedented $90 million dollar payroll and new ballpark, steamroll the much-diminished competition NL East, or will the team once again, like so many Sixers, Eagles, Flyers and Phillies teams of the last 20 years, leave Philly sportsfans enthusiastically quaffing down the intoxicating nectar of high expectations, only to be left with a big mouthful of puke in the end?

MUSIC DEPARTMENT
So am I going to have to fly to California or Europe to catch the Pixies on tour, or are they going to fit in a few East Coast tour dates after their European swing? Does anybody know the answer to this question? I, for one, will be sorely disappointed if the reunion comes and goes without yours truly getting the opportunity to one of the great rock bands of the last 20 years.

SHAMELESS PANDERING DEPARTMENT
Kudos to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee for raising one big shitload of cash!

Posted 12:13 PM by Nathan
MUSIC DEPARTMENT
So a motley group of us hiked to the Ottobar in Baltimore on Friday night to catch the Preston School Of Industry, who had the Slow Jets and Equus open for them. PSOI is fronted by Spiral Stairs (formerly of Pavement), and it is safe to say that they rocked the house. PSOI is one of those bands (like the Crooked Fingers) who comes across much better live than they do on CD. With a 3-guitar attack, a very good rhythm section, and a band that was very obviously "into" playing (even while playing in a venue that was only 1/2 full), PSOI brought an energy to their catchy, well-crafted songs that doesn't come across quite as well on their recordings (which are still very good). P-Bo went so far as to say that PSOI's stuff eclipses Malkmus' solo-efforts -- a bold statement indeed. Strong performances by the Slow Jets (a bit tentative, but good music) and Equus (who generously gave out free CDs) made our Friday night outing one of the rare instances where the entire bill was good.

POLITICAL DEPARTMENT
So the Presidential race flies into April, with both sides firing away at TV viewers in the 17 targeted states (the so-called "purple states"). Richard Clarke's 9/11 bombshell appears to have thrown the Bushies off-message for the last week, as the entire administration and its surrogates shifted into take no prisoners attack-mode. Will the slow trickle of administration officials willing to speak out about the nature of this Bush White House turn into a torrent to great to fend off? Or will the administration's character assassins intimidate others into silence? I'll leave it to people smarter than me to sort this all out, but from my biased perspective, the American people should be sued for malpractice of democracy if George W. Bush wins this election.

OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS DEPARTMENT
Is it just me, or do spam-writers have incredibly poor grammar skills?

Is this the start of a comeback for Nathan's Testament to His Ego, or merely just a tease -- another in a series of random entries posted at yearly intervals? Stay tuned.

Posted 4:25 PM by Nathan
It had to happen someday, and it was yesterday. I've finally replaced my trusty 1995 Geo Prizm with a flash new Toyota Prius hybrid. The Prius gets about 3 to 4 times the gas milage of your average gas-guzzling SUV, with much lower emissions. Unfortunately, I was not offered a complimentary autographed poster of Ed Begley, jr. to hang in my office.

Posted 11:29 AM by Nathan
The Loyal Opposition – by Nathan Henry

"I'm saddened, saddened that this president failed so miserably at diplomacy that we're now forced to war." – Sen. Tom Daschle, Democratic Leader, U.S. Senate

"I was disappointed to see Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle's comments. Those comments may not undermine the president as he leads us into war, and they may not give comfort to our adversaries, but they come mighty close." -- Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives

In war, a soldier has a moral obligation to disobey orders from a commanding officer that are illegal or immoral. A soldier does this at great personal risk, since a commanding officer has the right to arrest, or even shoot, a soldier that disobeys a direct order.

In the same vein, the citizens of a country have a moral obligation to fight and oppose the actions of a government when those actions are illegal and immoral. As the comments from Dennis Hastert above demonstrate, Americans do this at great risk, because such opposition can easily be twisted into charges of disloyalty, “anti-Americanism,” or even implied treason.

The concept of patriotism outlined above is a sharp, dangerous sword often waved (rather cavalierly) by the President, and those who support him, to squelch legitimate criticism and dissent. They would argue that once a country has committed its soldiers to military conflict, its politicians and citizens have a moral obligation to support the government, no matter what. However, this concept of patriotism is clearly flawed – under this argument, the Germans in the Third Reich would have a moral obligation to support their government even though it was engaged in systematic genocide.

Patriotism is not a belief in a President or a political party, it is a belief in a country and the principles it espouses. America today is supposed to be the country of free speech, religious tolerance, commercial freedom, equal opportunity, civil rights and democracy. We should be internationalist – in the process of stopping wars and defending the peace rather than making wars and fomenting instability. The essence of American patriotism is fighting for those principles. And our President and his party are in the process of undermining the principles that this country is supposed to stand for.

The Bush Administration has suspended the right of habeus corpus for “suspected terrorists,” and now holds hundreds of people without charge or hearing. The Bush Administration has doubled defense spending and reduced taxes for the rich, while cutting programs for the poor, thus reducing opportunity for millions of Americans. The Bush Administration has made Christian proselytizing part of its policy by providing government funding for religious groups. The Bush Administration has given unprecedented surveillance powers to law enforcement agencies in the name of “national security.” The Bush Administration routinely refuses to provide information about its policies and their costs to the American public, also in the name of “national security.”

And now President Bush has engaged the most powerful army in world history in a war against a weaker foe without mandate from the United Nations (an organization we created to prevent unjustified war), in the face of overwhelming opposition from a majority of the world’s citizens. He is implementing a dangerous new doctrine of “pre-emptive war” that basically says America has the right to attack whomever it wants for whatever reason without approval from the United Nations or anybody else. Under the Bush Doctrine, America is always right, and our critics be damned. And those who oppose us are weak, misguided, or evil.

The Bush Administration attempted to make a case for this war by saying Saddam Hussein is a brutal tyrant who must be stopped. They charge he is building weapons of mass destruction (weapons, by the way, that the U.S. itself continues to manufacture and are currently being manufactured by many other such “brutal dictators”) that must be destroyed. They argue passionately that he is a threat to world stability, and in the future, may have the capacity to harm Americans.

Yet, despite the Bush’s best efforts, these arguments have failed to convince the rest of the world that we are right. And this very failure suggests, that just maybe, we might be wrong. But the Bush Doctrine leaves no room for such uncertainty. It leaves no room for diplomatic maneuvering, for international consensus. It says, “the rest of the world had better agree with us, or else.”

After September 11th, there was an outburst of patriotism and sentiment in the United States. This happened because our families were threatened in our homes. No American felt safe, and this translated into overwhelming support for an Administration that was seen to be defending Americans. And President Bush has attempted to use this support to implement his dangerous new doctrine.

However, despite the steady public support for the war, Bush has failed to make the case that Saddam Hussein threatens Americans in our homes (despite his desperate, dishonest attempts to tie Saddam to Al-Quaeda). That is why his approval ratings have been falling ever since September 11th. He and his party are using this military conflict for political points, wielding the dangerous sword of flawed patriotism against any criticism, justified or not.

The most dangerous thing to the Bush Administration right now is not opposition from other countries or protesters in the streets. It is opposition from the political establishment. Only principled opposition, not just the war, but to all of Bush’s misguided policies, from people like Tom Daschle and other Democratic Party leaders can build opposition among “mainstream” Americans. And that is why the Bush Administration and their allies are so quick to wield the label “un-American” against the Democratic opposition.

Well, this Democrat believes that this war is illegal, immoral and that the Bush Administration is systematically endangering the principles this country is supposed to hold sacred. Despite the mortal danger faced by our troops (and, in fact, because of it), I will continue to oppose this war with a clean conscience. More importantly, I will do whatever I can to ensure that President Bush and his blindly loyal Republican Senators and Congressman are defeated in the next election. Ultimately, this is the only way to stop Bush’s illegal and immoral policies, and this is the real essence of patriotism.

Posted 3:15 PM by Nathan
Further sign of the apocolypse. The Ocean County (New Jersey) Government offers a calendar on their official web-site called "Easy Readers: Librarians in Leather". Be afraid. Be very afraid.